Saturday, January 10, 2009

Who Knew?

The cows are depleting the ozone. Who knew? I mean, cows have only been on the planet for how many years?
Now, folks want to tax those farmers tending thier herds for....what? What's the motive here? What will the money from the tax on superfluous cows go toward? Will it be earmarked for education? Global warming research funding? Will it go to improve roads? WHAT? I'm just not buying the fact that it's all to save the world. Sorry.
This seems so absurd to me. I mean, these farmers are making a living providing the public with the items they need to have strong healthy bones and teeth. Holy cow!!!! How is this going to affect the "Got Milk" campaigns if the farmers are forced to "off" part of their herd for affordability? I'll tell you how...the price of products derived from moo-cows is going to skyrocket! Milk will go up. Cheese. Butter. Meat. The list goes on, I'm sure. I imagine goats aren't polluting the ozone with their gaseous nature, so we should all switch to goat cheese and milk. Or maybe, someone will come up with a milk product that looks, tastes and drinks like milk with the same nutritional value that isn't actually milk. Ha! Doubtful.
I wonder how this happens. How does it come that we blame cows and their farts and belches for the depleting ozone? I feel certain we as a people are doing a pretty good job of depleting the ozone on our own. Cows are just defenseless and easy to blame I guess.
It just seems so nonsensical...especially when the world is going to end December 21, 2012 anyway - according to Nostradamus.
(What? If you believe cows are the reason we're all going to die from the ozone opening up then you probably believe that too.)
Me, personally, I'm not sure what to believe about it all. I just know that I'm not buying into the cow theory just yet. I feel certain there are greater factors at risk here and the farmers out there shouldn't be penalized for owning livestock that may be contributing to the deterioration of the Earth's ozone with their flatulence.
Try this theory on for size: There are certainly more people on the planet than cows, right? Therefore, the amount of gaseous effect depleting the ozone would be larger coming from humans than cows, right? So, on your next income tax return don't forget to check the box marked 'Human'. That way, the federal government can hit you with a "Flatulence Tax". They'll probably base it on the size of your household. The more folks in your house, the more gas being emitted from said house. Oh...but wait! For those with acid reflux present in the confines of your home, you'll be taxed additionally for you being more likely to introduce these toxins into the air - due to your condition and all.
I foresee there being some contraption designed that we can wear over our faces (and posteriors) that will catch the erroneous odors emitted and change them into plant thriving elements. (Something like a water filter for your faucet.) There will have to be different designs for animals and humans alike. Maybe, someone else could design cool covers or faceplates to allow you to personalize your very own ozone replenishing mask! I can hear Billy Mays now - "Make your Fart Filter the envy of all your friends with these crazy covers! They'll be saying Wow! Call now and get not one, not two but three covers! One for church, one for work and one for the night on the town with that special someone. And if you call within the next ten minutes, you’ll get a set of our matching covers for your Fart Filter! One for you and one to gift to a friend!”
Crazy! What are your thoughts?


Bev said...

On the Jay Leno show he had a "Fart Filter" that was being sold on Ebay ..... or trying to be sold. It looks like a large panty liner . Guess what NOT SOLD!!! What about all the illegals who eat all the gas filled beans ....... BAN THE BEANS !!! It's all hogwash if you ask me !! LOVE THE BLOG

Jenn said...

You're right on Bev! I mean, for that matter, what about dogs and cats? They can run you right out of a room sometimes! I just think we should look more at the big picture. If cows are the reason...which I don't believe - then taxing the farmers that raise them is not going to fix it!

Briana said...

Going by your human theory, your tax for your household just quadrupled... Watch out!!

Jenn said...

Briana - Tell me about it! We can't afford that with the power bill we just got! If someone could come up with a way to run your house on methane we'd be in good shape!

Brandy said...

Jenn, there are farmers who process animal feces and harvest the methane to fuel their barns with energy. Saw it on Discovery Channel or similar. The dilemma... the SMELL!!!
Your rant reminded me of a Stalone movie of the future, can't think of the name, where the society is so "pure" they only have virtual... ummm... can I say it here??

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