Monday, January 28, 2008

Ode to the Grocer!

Please allow me these few precious moments to thank you…and I mean really thank you.
As a little girl (like many at a young age) I wanted so badly to be a cashier. I loved the idea of scanning the items, taking the money, using the register and bagging the groceries. (So strange that nowadays I desire a profession in the hospitality industry…but that’s for another blog!)
So, I thank you, local grocer - which shall go unnamed to protect the innocent – for making my dream come true this evening. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for employing young, ignorant teenagers who scan my items with such disdain even I no longer love life. And, also for teaching them the thing to do when they see a young mother of two struggling to weave her ridiculously overloaded buggy down the isle is to not even move their cart of ‘items being returned to the shelf’. No, no…please, finish your phone call first, “Bret”. I’ll just stand here and age.
(Sidenote: As my children grow up and get jobs of their own, I hope that society doesn’t alter so much so that being on your cell phone while stocking groceries is acceptable. Seriously, the only person important enough to call you at work when you’re sixteen is your mama…and then, by God, you better answer. Am I right?)
In addition, I’d like to personally thank you for allowing me the privilege to bag my own groceries. I was certainly feeling sub par in the challenge department (seeing as how all I did was get out in the cold and brave your supermarket in heels with two kids in tow). Bagging groceries was just what I needed to relieve my stress. Perhaps I’ll work it into my routine on a weekly basis? It was also a nice touch to have 10+ trainees standing at register 3 (me at register 4) and witness this tacky, yet somewhat comical, display of errors as I tried to bag my items correctly and according to placement. I mean, you can’t bag hamburger meat and grapes together, right? I feel that they may have picked up on some pretty important customer service skills while standing there popping their gum, texting their friends and rolling their eyes. Say it with me now, “That’s not my job!” Goooooooood! And if that wasn’t enough for them, they can just tune into my cashier “Tiphany’s” grand attitude about it all. She’ll have you perky in no time! I might have had sympathy for their acne ridden selves if I didn’t stand before them with my “bindi” in place.
So, again, I thank you. Thank you for helping me see the error of my ways. Thank you for proving that my decision to come to you and avoid the long lines at my local discount store that sells tires and groceries was WRONG!!! At least there I can do self checkout and get the real rush from playing cashier! You know…minus the money and all.
Up yours….truly!


Misty said...

When this happens to my mom she will wait for like 10 seconds after they give her the total she owes and just stare at them and then say "Bless your heart, you must be having a REALLY bad day!" or "You must really HATE your job, huh?"

martinstone said...

Love this, can so identify with this one, except the squirming kid part, usually its me squirming to keep my mouth shut! I think they act this way because "they" think we owe them something for just showing up. The world needs fast food workers too, so if they aren't happy checking out food, Macdonalds is hiring.

Patrick said...

I love the grocery store! Perhaps you need Anger Management?

Jenn said...

Misty - I should try and adopt some of her philosophies...but patience is not one of my virtues!

Lori - I don't think I want them at McDonald's kids make me eat there too much!

Patrick - You also collect Star Track dolls! This speaks volumes about you, you know?